Thursday, June 28, 2012

The true definition of Traffic signals in Pune

Come school, and we were taught the meanings of the colors on the traffic signal. It was basic and simple.

Red : Stop
Green: Proceed
Amber: Prepare to stop
(Courtesy google) The School version
Come Pune, and you drive for 100 meters and then bam. It hits you. It hits you, how your parents were cheated out of their money by the schools. None of those bookish terms and traffic rules applied to the Punekars and this budding city. Because the city had made some of their own! Astonishingly everybody from the school kids, to professionals, to old kakas, to aunties and to the traffic police men are aware of these special rules, and abide by them no matter what. And if fate feels like it and you land up on the roads in Pune, don't be surprised with yourself. It would just be a matter of days, before you also start following the special rules, while the school rules are busy escaping your memory. Adaption; remember from science in school? At least, something they taught was right!

Well ok, so before I explain the rules, here are few characteristics.
They are tough to follow and it all comes down to Darwin's theory. The survival of the fittest.
They are accidentally dangerous and scary. But darr ke agge jeet hain
And most importantly they are dynamic, prone to change as per your vehicle position in the signal. But again isn't changing constant?

And now the rules! Check your vehicle position and apply wherever applicable please.

If you are on the front line and the signal has/is :
Just turned green: Try to ignore it first, and then get the kid out in you. Start and stop your vehicle, you know, just for fun!
Green with a timer of 60 seconds: Admire all the pretty girls' figures on their scooters and activas. (Of course you can't see their faces!! Duh, it is a crime to drive a 2 wheeler without a head and face scarf if you are a girl in Pune). Ensure the speed is nothing above 20kms/hr.
Green with a timer of 30 seconds: Continue the admiration, and keep the speed below 30kms/hr. Please practice the combo before the real test. Also don’t forget to catch the abuses of those behind you. Bask in them but act nonchalant.
Green with a timer of 10 seconds: Ok enough of goffeying up. Chuck the gals, accelerate the vehicles to a good 60kms/hr. Ensure your bikes and cars are well serviced, to make this hyperbole (or is it parabola?) acceleration from 20-30 to 60-70 kms/hr in 10 seconds.
Amber: Drive with full gusto and a speed of 80km/hr. Focus and dedication are of utmost important here. Applying the brakes on the sight of an oncoming vehicle from the opposite direction or on the sound of a police whistle is a sin and looked down upon.
Red: Keep up the speed of 80kms/hr till a vehicle almost hits you. Ensure you are well conversant with the tactics of twisting and gliding styles of bike riding. If in a car, maintain a ice cold stare on your face and act as if you are king of the world and you will glide through the mess(which by the way you just created).
(Courtesy google) The Pune Version
Now if you are behind 5-6 front line vehicles and the signal has/is:
Just turned green:  Practice your tabla skills on the horns. This is to ensure people know, you want to get out of the signal even if you have five to six vehicles ahead of you. And to ensure, even if everyone in front of you has noticed the green light, you want to pretend to be the only intelligent one who has.
Green with timer of 60 seconds:  Abuse to your heart's content at the vehicles ahead of you.
Green with timer of 30 seconds: Continue the abuse. Also increase your vocab by listening to the vehicles next to you, and put that to use immediately.
Green with timer of 10 seconds: Don't panic. You are destined to cross the signal and you will. Never lose hope.
Amber: Ok, you can lose hope now.
Red: Time is money. Start revising your abuses.

2 signals, one for right and one for straight and:
If you want to turn right: Ensure you place yourself on the leftmost lane of the road. As soon as the signal for Straight goes green, start your indicator for right and block the entire road. Guilt and remorse on the face will make you lose your brownie points.
Keep going right, because you know, indicator to diya tha maine!
If you want to go straight: Ensure you place yourself on the rightmost lane of the road. As soon as the signal for the right turn goes green, smirk blissfully and don’t budge an inch. All the cars behind you who want to turn right, will honk and cringe and abuse, and of course all that would be music to you. Because jo bhi ho, if I can’t go, the world can’t go!

Other rules which are not on a signal but apply to the road!
If you see a 2 wheeler woman driver, with her feet touching the ground from both the sides of the activa, that's allowed. Because her feet don’t reach the ground and Oh, she still wants to drive an activa. The entire journey has to be and will completed, with both foot firmly dragged along the road.

If you see a woman on an activa, who has just hit an indica from the behind, but is just pulling her bike back and driving away, then that's allowed. No matter who strikes whom, the woman cannot be at fault.

If you are taking a reverse which will just take 10 seconds, and you have couple of more cars patiently waiting for you to finish, 4-5 two wheelers will still trying to zoom past from the rear, making you also halt your backward journey, but then that's allowed. Two wheelers are always busy even though they would get home and just flop onto a huge sofa.

And lastly, if you see a two wheeler stop right on the middle of the road, because he has to take an important(?) call, that's allowed. Because doesn't matter if you jam right into him, he would prefer that, than to face the GF's enquiry commission.

So people, next time you hit the road in Pune, you know what to do and how not to react. Punekars are rigid. Any attempt to modify these rules will not be entertained. Because you Do What the Punekars do when in Pune. Till then, drive safe :-)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Guest Post: Hello Hello There…

Last week Ramya, who blogs at Chittrana wrote a post which had a collection of her poems. Almost all of them bowled me over, and that's when I knew, I wanted something like that on my page. Looking at her work, I feel she is underrated in terms of followers. She has a wonderful comic timing, but is also versatile enough to pull off a thriller or a serious issue. And on a personal level, although I never met her, I feel very connected to her, through her writing. A totally positive, spirited and a perky person, who better than her, to write the first guest post on Perky hours :-) So over to her now.

Hello Hello…
Jenny, I know her through her blogs and for sure I know you all will feel the same if I say that just by this acquaintance I feel very connected to her.  She is being my constant encouragement, now that she is ready to risk her reputation and to get me into limelight, I mean she asked me to do a guest post on her blog!!! Trust me, I was super nervous about her invitation. Please understand me I cannot risk ya! Perky Hours is so very pretty it has best readers and critics.
But then it’s dear Jenny who has given me this opportunity. So for her I started thinking and really thinking so as to come up with something really different from all of my blogs. I thought I will break out from nutshell and discuss about issues like effects of Pornography on children. But then as I started thinking I couldn’t stop laughing remembering the incident happened in my childhood when we hardly knew anything like this exists.
I was studying in class 7 and my sister dear Class 4. My sister one day told me she has a joke telling session and that she has no clue what to do. So I thought I should help her and find some jokes for her. I decided to go to my elderly cousin’s room as he had lot of books collected but hardly had he let us in his room anytime! So I planned well carefully sneaked in and picked a book which had “Jokes” in its title and rushed out of his room. I proudly asked my sister to take this and read out a joke from that.  That Friday, we both got into our respective classes. By afternoon an attendant came to my class and announced that Class 4 teacher wants to meet Ramya. I was super excited anticipating my appreciation but it turned out something like this…
As soon as I entered I saw my sister kneeling down and teacher full red eyed in anger…
Teacher: You gave this book to your sister
Me: Yes Mam jokes book
Me: Mam…
I still pity my father who had to apologize for no mistake of his and to get me and my sister back home after finish our punishment of kneeling down for an hour after school hrs!!!
And it was only then I realized there are books which are to be read only by adults!!!
This was in the past but yes on a serious note this is a really big concern. Today in the internet age Kids have access to every possible things and its getting increasingly difficult for Parents to educate their kids on these lines. Any knowledge when half known is really dangerous but then how and who has to educate children on topics like sex? Yes Schools have to ensure proper Sex education but I also strongly recommend Parents to be aware of how much knowledge to be shared with their kids at every age and to gradually educate them to understand that sex is not something to try out or something to laugh about but it is about law of nature and one has to learn more about the same when he\she is mature enough to make their own decision.
Its wisdom to know but it is enlightenment to understand it fully.
Ok Friends, I leave you all with this thought!
And thank you Jenny for having given this chance to interact with your blog sphere.

Friday, June 8, 2012

I feel : Thehree si, sehmi si hai zindagi, udne do...

London Paris New York, what is there not to like in this movie?
Ali Zafar, Aditi Rao Hydari, and locations, all so fairy!
Do listen to this soulful song, my dearies,
And fall in love all over again, heedlessly!

Thehree si, sehmi si hai zindagi, udne do
behti nadi se thodi si nami chun-ne do
khamoshi sun-ne do
khawabo ko bun-ne do
hatheliyon pe likhi dastan badalne do

maddham si madhoshi
dheemi si sargoshi
sun sako to suno dil ke taar
yoon hi milte raho bar baar
ho, kaisi seher hai ye kaisa asar hai bataa
bin jaane bin bole humko sabhi hai pata

thoda sa dard hai
saans bhi sard hai
par tera aashiyaan mil gaya
chahiye kya
ho ho ho ho ho o ho ho ho ho

simti simti saundhi si hai dopahar
bechainiyon me doobi si hai ye leher
chhaayi hai chashni par hai koi kami
kho sakoon jis jagah paaya hai tumhe wahan
ho ho ho ho..

baahon mein leke tumhe kuch na kuch bol dein
chaahat ki nadiyaa mein chaandi ka ras ghol dein
aao na sath do mujhko parwaz do
koi meethi si kaano mein aawaz do
ho ho ho ho ho..

Translated English version (Courtesy google)
the life is a little stuck, a little afraid, let (it) fly,
let (it) pick a little moisture from the flowing river,
let (me) listen to silence,
let (me) knit dreams,
let the story written on the palms change..

a slow intoxication,
a low whisper,
listen if you can, to the strings of the heart,
keep meeting me like that only..
how's this morning and how's this effect tell me,
that without knowing and without telling I know it all..

there is a little pain,
the breath is cold too,
but I have got your home,
what (else) is needed (now)..

afternoon is a little wound up, fragrant,
this wave is drowned in restlessness,
sweetness is all around, but there is something missing,
where I can lose myself, I have found you there..

let me tell you something taking you in the arms..
let me dissolve silver liquid in the river of love..
come, support me, give me flight..
call sweetly into my ears..

I am listening to this song all night and all day.
Ali Zafar; More crazy for his voice or for his looks, who can say?
*Dreamy eyed and more dreamy eyed*, so dont have anything more to convey.
Plugging the head sets of my ipod. Oh stop the 'poetic?' verses, you pray  :-)